Dreamy Eyes's Diary

I have been in pain for a few months now. He left me, my best friend left me. He forgot that even I exist, he forgot that I love him. All he saw was his future, his girl. Why? Why did he do this to me?
Why did he leave me like this? Why has he been playing around with my feelings?
And why the hell can I not get over him? I burn from inside when I see him happy with his girl. he says he loves but since we can not be together forever, it's best to stay away. What kind of a love is this? And even after that he is happily involved with a girl. What is he doing and why all this is affecting me?
I don't want be a victim of a heart break. I just want to be happy, like we were once. I just want to be friends, I don't want any love to come between us coz it hurts and all it can give is pain. can I not turn the clock? Can I not go into the past and make things right? Can I not stop my heart from loving him all the more?

Sometimes life becomes so confusing and complicated. There are times when one needs to choose between love and friendship. But there comes a moment when someone tries to force you in a relation. Then what do you do?
Something similar happened to a very close friend of mine. He was forced into a relation, tortured emotionally by a girl..a girl who called me her closest friend. Today I think the biggest mistake in my life was making them meet each other. But then there is another aspect to the same thing. If I wouldn't have made them meet each other, I wouldn't have come to know about the mask she donned infront of me. I always took her to be my closest friend, I almost took her as my little sister but she didn't feel the same about me. She took me as a ladder to success. She was a typical small town girl who took shelter in a bold girl like me. She learnt the ways of the city through me only to cut my own chord.
Firstly, she began to harass him to get into a relation. The boy didn't tell me all this because he thought it would create a rift in my relationship with my friend. She kept on blackmailing him emotionally. he being a kind hearted fellow didn't want to spoil her life and gave her company while she feigned of loneliness. I was kept unaware of all this. She even threatened him of a suicide so that he doesn't leave her. The crocodile tears worked on him. She tried to buy him for her own desires.
And not only this, this tried to separate us, she tried to murder our friendship. In fact I almost lost communication with him. When I came to know about the curry that had been cooking between them I got flared up. I was mad at both of them. She feigned innocence again but I wasn't going to get into her words coz by then I had realized that she wasn't what she tried to be. But I didn't speak out much, I just stopped talking to both of them.
Few days back when I was coming back from home, this guy called me up saying he would meet me at the airport. i rudely declined his offer saying that I didn't need his help, I was accustomed to coming alone. In the past couple of years, I always had him to see me off at the airport. And every time I came back, I saw him waiting for me. This was our friendship but all this had vanished long time back. I was angry at him but by now he had realized that he had committed a big mistake. As expected, he was there at the airport. Before dropping me off to my place, we had lunch together, something we always did when I came back from home. We roamed about at CP and discussed out the misunderstandings that had crept in our friendship. I was closed to tears during the discussions but I was happy. I had my friend back, I had all the sweet memories connected with him back with me. Few days back, all those memories would make me angry or sad but now they were back to making me laugh.
We planned out for a movie the next day and obviously the stupid girl made a big hullabaloo over it. She called me a selfish slut but we laughed it off coz we had each other's friendship and that's all we needed for now. Two days later, he broke all ties with her. This girl came back to me saying that he ditched her and used her. I didn't fall for her tears that I had been falling for since the past 3.5 years. I didn't have to coz I had all the proofs in front of me, I had seen every conversation between them in his cell phone. I had seen the mails she had sent him , their chats and every detail that spoke ill words for me.
I finally got to know who my real friend was and that's what mattered the most. The only thing that hurt was living with a bitch for 3.5 years who gave a damn to my true friendship.

Today as I write here I am highly frustrated with myself. I am disgusted over the fact that I am such a lazy fellow who doesn't understand the value of time. I pass my time doing nothing, absolutely nothing. I know I should study or at least concentrate on my manuscript but all I do is browse the net doing nothing. I read stupid stuff with my Facebook account logged in 24 hours. I wish I had a good inner strength, something that would stop me from doing stupidity in my life and save myself from the disaster that even I have forecast.