An Invisible Bloke's Diary

Right when you think things are slipping through your hand, the Time does something extraordinary and gives you a hint of its presence. Something like that happened to me the very next day I wrote my last post. Whilst I was wondering I am been unheard, the admin responded and said beautiful words.

It took me some time to get back on track, but eventually, I did. Yesterday, after a very long time, I updated my e-magazine and honestly, I felt so refreshing. I am good again. I have many desires, like everyone, and now I just want to take steps towards it. Since I am starting it late, I have a lot more to finish and do. Watch this space as I will be sharing my achievements soon.

Thanks admin for those kind words. :)

I think I am moving towards depression. I don't feel like meeting people, even I have to, I prefer it's short and to the point. Don't feel like staying on the social media for long. Have deleted many friends from Facebook and feel like not interacting with those present there. Don't feel good, most of the time, and feel living is a trap. Don't want to watch TV, nothing at all. I don't feel like working. Have been looking for a life partner, but now I just want to. The reason I am sharing these things here as I don't operate it often. If you ask me, I just want to interact with anyone and would like to cut myself off from the society and surrounding. Want to just run away somewhere where people don't know me, I am a total stranger.

Often I feel like vanishing, just like *puff*... One moment I am here, and the next moment I am not. I know these things are not possible, but I really can't help it out. This year has given me a face-palm, shattering my belief of a 'good' world and throwing me into situations that has made me question my existence. I have realized that the world is materialistic, and for me to survive is going to be a big challenge.

People often say unwanted things when angry, but I believe most of the time they speak their mind. In the recent past, I was put into situations where most of my closed ones spoke about their heart, whilst being angry. It's not the first time, but there is always a limit to things, and I believe I have reached my level of saturation.

And when you're at the level of saturation, all your past come to haunt you. All the things from past run in front of your eyes like a movie clip, all those words can be heard, all those situations that you thought you forgot come back from their grave and follow you wherever you go. Then, you either put them to rest by making a peace from your past, which is not easy when you have to daily interact from people who have given you that pain, or to just end yourself.

In my case, I certainly can't end myself since I am not that coward, but I also can't make peace with my past as I am not that courageous. So, I have left with no option to live with what I have and just adjust to the situation considering it a part of the life.

Nonetheless, deep down I know I won't be able to survive in this situation for long, so better I come up with some alternative otherwise I will drown before I reach my destination of solitude.