Why am i so different ?
Yehi puchti rehti thi wo khudse. Hamesha. Ek lauti beti apne maa-baap ki. Naazon se pali. Koi aisi chahat nahi thi usski jo bole bina puri na hui ho. Itna pyaar,itna attention paa kar dhire dhire mann bharne laga tha shayad usska. Jaana tha dur kahin. Jaane-pehchaane logon se bahat dur.
Phir aaya ek din. Sapna usska sach hua. College me daakhila hua usska. Ghar se dur. Nayi duniya thi ye usski. Kabhi apno se dur rahi nahi thi. Aata nahi tha usko logon ko parakhna. Sehmi sehmi si rehti thi. Har pal ladti thi khudse do chaar shabd bolne ko. Dost bane toh the par bharosa kar nahi paati thi kisipe. Ussi k saamne saare ham-umar log ek dusre se kaafi ghul-mil gaye the. Bas ek room-mate hi thi jise apni baatein bola karti thi.
Din bhar ka kaam hota tha bas college me class karna, wapas aa kar padhna, ghar pe baat karna aur phir so jaana. Teachers se bhi baat ho nahi paati thi,doubts dil me hi reh jaate the. Jo school me top ranker hua karti thi, wo college aa kar dhimi pad gayi thi.
Dhire dhire uss k class aur hostel k bacche usse chidhane lage uss k akelepan ko le kar. Sisak-sisak kar roya karti thi wo raat k andhere me. Bolti thi khud se ki 'ye toh na tha mere sapne ka hissa,why am i so different?' . Khud ko nayi duniya k dhanche me daalne me pehla saal nikal hi gaya tha. Ab tak ghar pe zikr bhi na kiya tha ussne apne pareshaani ka. Sochti thi ki nipat lungi khud hi.
Laakh koshisho k baad ab gine chune log ban gaye the dost uss k. Chahe darti thi andar se par kabhi kisika bura nahi chaha. Kisiko bhi madad chahiye hoti thi toh hamesha deti thi saath. Ladkiyan toh phir bhi uss k dil ka haal samjha karte the par jo ladke the wo ab bhi usska mazaak udaya karte the. Par tha ek ladka jo bade pyaar se dekha karta tha usse. Andar se sehem jaati thi par jaan ne ka mann toh usse bhi tha ki aakhir baat kya thi ? Aakhirkaar ek din ladke ne chuppi todi aur bola- "tumhari khamoshi me bhi lafz chhupe hue hain,tumhari yehi khamoshi mujhe bahat pasand hai. Pyaar ho gaya hai tumse. Aage tumhari marzi" . Aur chal diya wahan se.
Teen din sochne k baad ladki ne ladke ko haan kar di. Boli ki "Mai jaanuna pyaar hai ki nahi,par itna hai pata ki tum ho wo pehle insaan jisne dur reh kar bhi mujhe samjha hai". Bas ladki k bolne ki der thi aur saare bacchhe class k taali baja k hasne lag gaye.
Uss pal toh ussko laga jaise uss k payro tale jameen khisak gayi ho. Kuch samajh nahi aa raha tha usse jab tab ladka kuch bola na tha. Ab shuru hua uss ka dil tutne ka silsila. Jiss ladke ka haath pakadne ka sapna saja kar aayi thi wo aaj subah,wohi khada wahan sabse jyada hass raha tha. Bola-" Kya samjhti ho khud ko ? Maan kaise li ki mai kabhi tujhse pyaar karunga ? Wo toh doston se shart lagi thi tumhe pata k dikhaun. Thank you yaar. Tere wajah se aaj daaru ki party milegi mujhe" .
Sharm se paani paani ho kar rote rote nikli class-room se. Jab aayi hostel toh saamne usski room-mate khadi thi,jissko wo apni sabse achi dost maana karti thi,wohi sabko class waali kahaani suna kar tahaka laga k hass rahi thi. Ab toh sambhala nahi jaa raha tha uss se jillat. Sochi ki bharosa toh sirf jand logon pe kiye,na kabhi koi nuksaan kiye unka. Phir mere hi saath kyun ? "Why am i so different ?"
Ghar pe call kar k maa aur papa se baat ki thodi der. Ab bhi nahi boli apni mushkil k baareme. Jab uski besharam room-mate aayi kamre me wapas toh jo dekha usne,uss k baad ek baat toh tay hai ki phir zindagi me kabhi ussne kisika bharosa na toda hoga.
Haath k paas harpic ka bottle pada hua tha. Baal bikhre hue. Zameen pe nishaan bane hue the jaise kisine khodne ki koshish ki ho. Jab gaur se dekha gaya toh likha tha "WHY AM I SO DIFFERENT".
Gum ho chuki thi wo apne hi khamoshi ki duniya me,hamesha k liye. Jaate jaate bhi kisiko blame nahi kiya. Hamesha apne andar kami mehsoos karti thi wo. Kya thi galati uski ? Kya Communication skill na hona gunaah hai ? Kya guzri hogi uske ghar waalon pe? Kya unn logon ne khud ko zimmedaar nahi socha hoga ? Aap bhale hi kisi cheez ko seriously nahi lete par wohi cheez saamne waale k liye kaafi maaine rakh sakta hai. Khud jiyo aur dusre ko jeene do. Pyaar se raho,pyaar baanto. Taaki kisiko ye ehsaas har pal na sataye - " Why am i so different" ...
