The company of women

Women by far are the only thing i feel passionate about. That is a weird statement to make. A weird thought. Women tell me that. "You are weird". Each time ,I just grin at them,and they grin right back.
When i was in school i wasnt really good looking. Once in the sillyness of recently acquired puberty we boys were discussing how we looked. Some guy told me i wasnt handsome. I believed him. I was not inclined to believe otherwise myself.

That posed a problem, for as far as i can remember i had always found women interesting. Even as a kid their smells would enthrall me when they walked by. Their sweet voices , their slightly high pitched laughter,the movement of their bodies. None of them ever looked ugly to me. To define them i just knew one word. Beautiful.

Growing up a lot of my maths teachers were female. Not the prettiest not the kindest compared to the rest of the female subject teachers, but there was some intoxicating pleasure in always being the first to answer their half written questions on the drawing board. The first math teacher i remember was in class 2, i dont even remember the name, but i remember her as one of the most beautiful women i have ever met.So that kind of explains my affinity to things mathematical.
Growing up i fell in love again and again. Most of these girls i fell for felt like angels descendent upon this earth. And never was i able to summon the courage to confess my feelings. Not that it mattered. Women i never felt were things to be owned or stamped upon by my authority. It was just a pleasure to go to school each day and just watch them be. I usually was fixated by the beauty of one for an year or two ,hoping that one day the rolls of fate would send her to me with a few kind words. Then when id give up on fate and besot myself to the fact that she was never going to come up, i moved on. And always found something else even more beautiful and enchanting.

All would have been fair and easy had i just stayed that way. Things took an ugly turn only on the day i decided not to keep my admiration to myself anymore. To actually fight for the love of a woman who enchanted me. From then on it has been one disaster after the other.

TBC
ps.did not edit so there may be grammatical/spelling mistakes.The title is obviously copied from kushwant singh. Damn that guy is a bastard.